Journey continues

The Journey continues

Has it become so commercialized, mechanized and formalized – this ministry thing. Have we made it a business (bidness as in the city) and not a bidding to come and follow the rabbi? I am beginning to realize I can serve for various reasons, not always noble or Christlike. I can serve…
Because I am supposed to – aren’t we all called to serve and do good deeds. It is funny how it really kicks in around Christmas. Either people are not hungry and cold the rest of the year or maybe it makes us feel better about our selfish excess we lavish upon ourselves and those we “love.” And then the rabbi says love your enemies. I hear him but even worse I have to watch him as he actually does it and seems to really love them (the leper, prostitute, Samaritan) and maybe even like them and feel comfortable among them. There is that comfort thing again. Where would he be comfortable today? In our air conditioned buildings or our dusty alleys? This yoking myself to this rabbi is really screwing things up for me.
Because it makes me feel good. It makes me feel like I am OK. It is funny how serving not OK people really makes we who are OK feel good about ourselves and our “christianity – very small c”. Oh God, how can I continue to be comfortable having so much and dwelling among and in a world which has so little? Ignore them, I can do that. I can look the other way. I can focus on religion or church. And then my rabbi tells me a story of a Samaritan. I hear him but even worse I have to watch him, recognizing the unrecognizable, the forgotten and paying attention to them above and beyond the righteous (the OK). Separate ourselves from them – don’t dwell among them, I can do that – especially with thick walls. I can surround myself with OK people like me and study mind consuming and diverting subjects (Kierkegaard was right we are a “bunch of scheming swindlers.”) Then my rabbi, you know he says something about coming for the sick not the healthy, and I watch him. Touch the untouchable, defend the indefensible, eat with the unclean, celebrate the short guy, die with the criminal? I thought this yoke was going to be light? I can rationalize or spiritualize wasn’t it the rabbi who said “the poor will always be with us?” I wonder where are they? Are they really among us or outside us? Do I see myself as a part of them or above them? God make these question go away – they increase my dis-ease. What difference can I make anyway. And then I watch my Rabbi in that lepers house having his feet washed by a prostitute and I hear him say those words about the poor being with us. And I realize they really were always around him. Of course they were, He was there friend and the poor are always among us because the empires of this world will always produce poor people, and poor people will come to the church to find a home and a friend (or at least I think it should work that way) and be filled as the rich are sent away wanting. God what went wrong? At what point did we remove the yoke?
Because I get out of church Sunday, or get to go on a fun trip (a “mission” trip). A servant and experiential attitude is present but experiencing the pain and hurt of the masses is not our primary goal. It not only makes us feel good it makes me look good too. One sure way to feel good about your own self is serve people “worse” off than you.
Or is it fueled by a desire, a calling to both see and be our Lord in the midst of the poor and hurting. He has been there in their midst along, though often disguised in figures and forms we don’t recognize to be royalty and which oftentimes repel us. I suppose that is why he tells us to look for Him in the least of these. Maybe He wants us to really see Him as He is (not as we imagine Him to be) – and allow Him to make us as we should be. Maybe He can’t love them the way he wants to love them without our hands and hearts and lips. Maybe we are to go and love because He goes and loves through us. And if we don’t go and love we hinder Him from going and loving.
After searching for a homeless friend and finding Him in order to provide shelter on a cold December night I heard the heart of God thank me. I tried to thank Him but He thanked me reminding me He loved Him first. And I realized it was God who wanted him warm not me. He didn’t insist he be drug free, repentant, or holy – only warm. It was God searching for him.
Can you feel His heart breaking as He dwells in the lives of the poor and has so few to point Him out inside their hearts. Can you hear Him wailing because He wants them to know the kingdom of God is within them too – but has no lips to speak with. Can we feel the tug of his hands against the nails which keep his hands secured to the cross within us (often times worn figuratively just above our hearts) – not allowing His hands to reach out and hold them. Maybe, just maybe, we are supposed to go because that is where our Lord is. And where He is – I want to be. And where He is – there I need to be. Here I am Lord – sorry it took so long.