Wondering about my wanderings and their relation to my wonderings? Huh?

Wondering about my wanderings and their relation to my wonderings? Huh?

I realize something. My wondering is prompted by my wandering. I can look back and see that my wandering or journeys in life (often times in the wilderness – personal and public) prompt wonder ( and remember my wonder produces faith and my faith action). Here I go trying to explain again. The more I wander in life the more I wonder. When I struggle with my personal weaknesses or wander through it (many know I struggled with drugs and alcohol as a young man and still battle addictive tendencies) it makes me wonder about life, and sin, and mercy and grace and redemption and patience and kindness and such. I think about them because they are part of the journey.
When I wander through my childhood and the abrupt change brought to my peaceful little world by murder and trials and new people in my life it makes me wonder. Where was God when all this was going on (I think I know the answer to that – I wonder “see” if He wasn’t sitting down the street in a church full of people feeling pious about their proper doctrinal stance). It makes me wonder why me and mine? It made me wonder what if??? It makes me wonder if life is valuable. It makes me wonder how it impacted me even now. And it makes me ask God these questions and seek answers and my faith has grown from the wandering, wondering and searching.
My wanderings in Africa for almost eleven years made me wonder so much. I wonder why some people have so much and some have so little and how those who have so much can be so comfortable with this injustice? I wondered what forces were at work which could so oppress a people and a whole new realm of spiritual warfare was opened up to me. I stood in wonder as I found jewels of culture insight which seemed to have been placed there by God himself to help me teach the people about His true nature. I wondered how to make a difference in peoples and cultures lives thus worldview understandings and power became known to me. I wondered what my job was and I learned to often times simply be available and love.
My wandering at LCU (remember I consider the professor part of my title to be with a little, tiny P ) I wondered at the beginning of my journey there – why I was there? I was and still am the proverbial fish out of water. I wondered (often times in tears) if I would ever feel and recognize the sense of fulfillment and purpose I felt in Kenya. I wondered if I could love people here (who I perceived to be the comfortable) as much as I love the Giryama. And I began to grow and learn my mission was to God and people (broken people) and they exist in America as well as Africa. I learned poverty is not only financial and Americans in many ways have more poverty than Africans (thank you Ruby Payne). I continue to realize I can love here as much as I did there and I can find purpose here. I wondered “if they really knew me” would they allow me to stay at LCU? The wondering about “if people really know me, will they like me?” is a common one for most of us I am realizing. And I wonder what new insights concerning God, His Kingdom and life I will come to understand in my continued wanderings through the halls and malls and people of LCU?
And maybe most significant my wanderings have brought me full circle and I find myself now wandering and wondering alongside drug addicted, alcoholic, sex controlled, homeless and impoverished people in the inner-city – AND I LOVE IT. How could I not, the wonder provoked by a God who walks so comfortably among the least of the world is mind boggling and refreshing. I wonder how a people or person who has gone through so much in life can still be so soft when we break through the surface. How could they survive so much with so little support from so few in their lives? And my wondering reveals God imbedded in the least of these – and I realize God sustained them because God loves them. And I realize He called me to love them too. And wonder of it all I find them easy to love.
So I continue to wander through life and ministry and wonder (now I am wondering out loud) with those I wander with. And, I am realizing this is ministry and mission. Think about it. What did Jesus do? Did he not wander with His disciples into Samaritan villages, seashore gatherings, graveyards, even temples and ask searching questions of His followers? Did He not wonder about the Kingdom of God (is like…). Did he not challenge them to see the temple within themselves, flesh and blood – not brick and mortar? Was it not his actions as much as His words which provoked wonder? We wander and wonder together. This takes courage and humility for many, courage to leave our comfortable positions on pews and perceptions and venture out into the world among people. And humility to admit we may not see as clearly or completely as we had assumed.
So I refuse to sit stagnant in preaching or practice. I long to wander among the broken, the least, and wonder where I will see Jesus among them for I know He dwells with them. I long to wander outside our church walls and onto the fringe of darkness and wonder how the light within me will effect that darkness – for I know it lies within me. I long to wander side by side with my peers, my students, my broken friends and wonder about God and life and death and pain and suffering and family and kingdom and heaven and hell and Jesus and ministry and mission and prayer and power and me and God. I want to wonder out loud with safe, trusted, transparent people who are just as vulnerable as I to the confusion and conflict of this present world. And, I believe this is ministry at it best as practiced and presented by Jesus himself. It was he who said “as the father sent me so send I you.” and, “If I your lord and master can wash your feet…” and, “Love as I have loved you…” And I could go on and on but I will leave you to wonder more about it. The exciting thing is; you do not wonder alone, even when you wonder alone. I wonder what I mean by that?